Of course, you are probably very familiar with the expression. Partners who are there, together, for the pleasure of enjoying and having fun sexually. Usually without romantic feelings, at least in appearance. But what exactly are these sexual encounters, regular or occasional? Do they have benefits? And be sexfriends in times of pandemic, is this possible?
Advantages and disadvantages
Let’s start by establishing what we really mean by friends with benefits.
The sexfriend is therefore often a person whom one has known for several years, with whom the understanding is very good and for whom one feels physical attraction and a sexual desire, generally quite important – but not always. Warning ! These friendly or loving feelings do not compare to those experienced in a romantic relationship.
In this friendly relationship with sexual benefits, the notions of fidelity, attachment, romantic and emotional commitment do not exist.
The relationship is not one of love, but rather of sharing moments of intimacy.
This relationship is sometimes experienced in parallel with a romantic relationship, sometimes in rebounds between romantic relationships and, at other times, simply experienced during periods of celibacy. Sacha, a 38-year-old reader, indicates: “I have two sexfriends. Often there are three of us, but it often happens that we just see each other. Being all three bisexual, it is sometimes difficult for us to have understanding / understanding partners on the sexual level. You will therefore have understood that these relationships are lived most of the time on the fringes of our relationships. We see each other outside of sex, to have a drink with our respective partners. It is both exciting and disturbing. We can be long periods without sleeping together, but when we find each other it’s like we never stopped. It is essential for our well-being, our happiness, at least mine! It doesn’t matter if we have someone in our lives or not, these moments, however fleeting, are super important. In fact, I realize that I have always had sexfriends, even younger. It’s like a way of life for me. None of my partners has ever had a say in this! “
All relationships with benefits are not experienced like those of Sacha. There are indeed many ways to have these experiences and, for the most part, there are certain essential points that make things run smoothly.
Some guidelines to navigate
These elements are generally adopted when the friendship is coupled with sexual benefits:
- No exclusivity should be required;
- Exit judgment and sexual performance;
- If a loving attachment begins to develop, it is the beginning of the end;
- No engagement ;
- Total protection against STBBI;
- Neither lover, nor friend;
- Enjoy the moments, without waiting for more.
While for many it is possible to maintain this type of relationship, a large number of people do not find themselves in this way of life.
It is not enough, especially in times of pandemic, to want to do it: it is essential that this be accompanied by personal reflections and analyzes.